I Vaguely Remember Making Out With Max Steele by J Junior

Max of Max Steele and the Party Ice is someone I very vaguely remember making out with during the lushed out drug addled existence of my late teen years at some party with a bunch of homo's and crusties. Niether of us truly remember the events of the evening, or even who was throwing said party but we both concur there was lots of alcohol and tongue involved. Perhaps we're even making it up. Anything is possible when drugs and homosexuals are involved. Anyway Max makes music and I have never once listened to it until this very moment. Max, if you end up reading this, I'm sorry if I'm a dick. Don't hate me. OK? OK.

The first song "Come On Billy" starts out with a pretty cute lofi synthy beat. I can dig that. Even though it totally sounds like something an insecure gay teenager made in secret in his bedroom, the beginning is fun to listen to and not painful at all. The lyrics are amusing and relatable, I can relate to homo infidelity and wanting to fuck another dude up. We've all been there. The monotone spoken word vocals even work with this alright but as I get deeper into the song something happens. His tones starts changing and then he's screaming about his film director boyfriend being the king of New York, some shit about living in a city full of billies, followed by a "Jet boy Jet Girl" reference and then it just gets waaaaay too gay for me. I have to stop playing it.

I know I'm a homo or whatever, but does anyone else think that most of this "gay hipster with a laptop" music that everyone seems to be doing right now is really shitty? I mean, this isn't even a really bad example, it just gets me thinking about it. It just seems like every gay dude with a microphone and Garageband on his ibook, usually with no musical talent whatsoever, thinks that it's okay to post all their shit on myspace then put up five bulletins everyday about how they posted new pics of themselves in American Apparel underwear and how we should listen to their new song that's just a remix of their old song that they posted that sucked before and sucks even worse now. Also, I wish my roommate knew how bad his own shit sucks, because his room is right next to mine. You know?

So I play the rest of Max's stuff and it's pretty much the same. Really cute sometimes, but then turns painfully over the top ultra gay. However, I do LOOOOOOVE the homage paid to my grrrl and fellow Ohioian born sister Kim Deal on the end of the song "Bored Stiff". That was pretty adorable as is anything pertaining to Kim Deal.

JUNIOR FINAL VERDICT: Myspace Friendship Accepted.


In the end, Max wins just out of sheer adorableness and doing what he does well. And I can't disown the drunken kiss that may or may not have happened. It's not the gentlemanly thing to do. I'd also like to add, Max is one of those people who creates, not just out of a desire for acceptance and/or awesomeness, but because they are driven to create something because it's ingrained in them to do so. It's so obvious. It just bleeds from him. Even if he were a total loser, completely withdrawn from the hipster scene, he'd still be pumping out some sort of project. I know for sure, when I listen to something by a Mister Max Steele five years from now it'll kick the shit out of what I listened to today. Max is also kind of hot which helps a little.

Max, if you're ever passing through the central Ohio area and you're looking for some dank weed, maybe a valium or two and a little play, look me up. Maybe this time we can try to remember it.